My mom (aka Grandma Ellen) passed away today. That is a really hard thing for me to have to say..
I had a hard time with her having a brain hemmorhage right from the time it happened all I could think about was that is what my Dad had 15 years ago. I was in such a panic to lose my mom the same way I lost my dad. A few weeks after my dad's brain hemmorhage he had a stroke and died on his 40th day in the hospital, but my mom wasn't going to be like him... She took a turn for the better recently and my fears were pushed aside. My dad never got to the point my mom was at; he never got to the point of talking to me but my mom did in fact earlier this afternoon my stepfather called my sister and was telling her how my mom was doing so much better that she was mad at him for not letting her have a cigarette. That changed quickly when about 9:30 pm he called me to tell me we had lost her.
They say life can change in an instant but you never really believe that until something like this happens.
Since my mom became ill last month I have thought about a lot of things that haven't crossed my mind in several years... things like Holidays when I was a child and things we did as a family, so many good and bad memories have filled my mind in the last 40 days(yes she also died on the 40th day), but the one thing that has remained constant is the love my family has always shared. Oh don't get me wrong there have been a lot of disagreements and fights along the way but I truly believe that people that don't fight really don't care about each other. Sometimes it takes an argument to make you a better person. My mom and I have done that for each other a lot in my life but each and every fight taught me something new about myself and her.
I will always regret that I didn't call my mom as much as I should have but I will always know she still loved and missed me just as much as I loved and missed her.
My mom had a very hard life. We were poor but she always found a way to get by. My mom was far from perfect but she was always there when I needed her. She was with me when I had Zack, she was almost there when I had Hayley (if only the elevator was faster.. she stepped off as I had my final push), she came to care for me in North Carolina when carrying Connor made me ill and when I had Riley she came back from Texas to help us move. She was the first person I turned to when I found out I had Cancer. Although she was across the country she was there for me every step of the way.
In addition to being there for me, my mom was an amazing Grandmother. Living so far away never mattered to her. She made the best of it and stayed in close contact with each and every one of her grandchildren. They loved her just as much and were as close as if she lived across town. This will be hard for them, they have faced many obstacales in their young lives but they are strong.
My mom was by far the strongest person I know and it is because of her that I am a Survivor. She taught me to be strong and never give up anything without a fight. It is because of her that I am a good mother. I have so many things to be grateful to her for.
I will forever be eternally grateful to the strong woman who didn't go out without a fight. I am proud to say she was my mother.
